DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Houston, we have a squirter
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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