I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
