you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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