i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
