Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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