I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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