And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
