Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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