Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
