girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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