Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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