I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
