i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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