SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
