no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
