D3 body, D1 cock
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
