Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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