I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
