ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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