she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
