Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
