my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
