Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
