I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
