Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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