You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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