Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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