the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
