She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
