I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
