Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
