Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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