I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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