i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
