it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
