i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
