I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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