like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sobbing to NWA
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My feet surprised me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
