my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
