the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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