stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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