youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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