He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
