Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
