we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
