thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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