My friends, they love my intelligence
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
