you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
