No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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