you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
