Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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