its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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