hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
