so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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