Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
